Optimal Delusions, Falling in Love

Reality does not always allow for the inevitable descent into things such as falling in love.  (Though, sometimes it does.) Falling in love is a layering of delusions, illusions, emotions, needs, attachments and awakenings.  And there is no controlling it. Once you fall, and you are around that person, you will simply fall harder.  So, why not rest on optimal delusions? Why not maintain a quiet optimism? That  you and the person you fell for will be together and happy and form what we all seek, the healthy whole protective family.

Though the only way to enter into that family is to fall into the madness. Let it be messy. When my clients fall in love, I am (usually) quiet. I am happy for them. If the glow of the falling is there, why not encourage it?  I think there is a difference between falling in love and unrequited love. Falling in love is reciprocal, the other person is in love (with you) too.

And if the relationship does not work out, the individual work (with the therapist or with yourself) is to never destroy the beauty of the relationship itself, to honor and love it for what it is, what it was and what it can be under the right light, analyzed via the most gentle and nonjudgemental angle. For some of my clients, falling out of love happens also, and that is okay. It does not mean the love was never there, it simply means there is another chapter in another book that needs to be written. Be gentle with yourself. Honor your intuition. It is good.





“Whoever loves becomes humble. Those who love have, so to speak, pawned a part of their narcissism.” -Freud

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