Bless the Mess

Life is messy during a pandemic. Every week brings a different challenge during the pandemic. This week it seems as though loneliness is rearing its ugly head again, a few of my clients have reported a wave of loneliness embedded in the dull monotony of the ground hogs day feel to quarantine.

How to dial loneliness down from a 10 (very painfully lonely) to a 7 or a 6?

  1. Read a really good novel. We read so we are not alone. Currently I am reading Curtis Sittenfeld’s Rodham. It is good so far…
  2. Go on a walk and talk with elderly people. Elderly people are wise and stronger than we realize. In the suburbs, the elderly are very isolated. My children and I make a point to chat with older people, validate them, listen to them closely.
  3. Distract yourself. Possible distractions, getting obsessed with matcha. That is mine. Finding a little project to do. Distract yourself with that never ending to do list, but that one for ten minutes.

Life is messy, bless the mess. If you feel overwhelmed, bless the overwhelm and then work with it. If you feel lonely, bless the loneliness. Without blessing it first, you lock yourself in a battle with you, and that is not being very kind to you, a human and the human condition.

Many times, it is not a mental illness that brings someone to therapy, but a sincere loneliness. You would think loneliness is not curable, but it is. The paradox is that the more you enjoy being alone the less lonely you will be. The more people you will attract in your life, and let’s not be specist here, the more animals too. Dogs and cats can be wonderfully healing, I have heard horses and pigs can as well.

The first place people go to when feeling lonely is shame, as though there is something wrong with them in feeling lonely. Loneliness is part of the human condition. Loneliness is a call to a deeper awareness and is very difficult to tolerate. No need to bury yourself in a hole when feeling lonely. It is common, too common. It is normal and you are okay, and it is okay to not feel okay. Life has organic fluctuations that may be difficult to tolerate but in doing so, we grow. We go into what is not comfortable and grow within that.

If you are feeling lonely, feel free to reach out to me, and begin therapy. Even short term therapy holds value.

Therapy for Loneliness

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